


The Use of Thinking

by HydrogenHero2187



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Craig Tucker Being An Asshole, Craig's Parents are Divorced, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Gay Craig Tucker, High School, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, My First South Park Fic, Please Don't Kill Me, Protect Tweek Tweak, Sad Tweek Tweak, Suicide Attempt, misunderstood craig tucker, so much dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 20:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17629508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HydrogenHero2187/pseuds/HydrogenHero2187
Summary: Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak have enjoyed high school, but their junior year brings changes they never wanted. When Craig suddenly starts drifting away, Tweek decides to confront him, but will it fix anything or will it make everything worse?





	The Use of Thinking

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, let me just set you up with a little background here: so I love Creek with all my heart and soul, and I desperately needed something to do instead of spend time with myself when I can't sleep, so from the depths of my midnight thoughts sprung this!! I've never written for either of these characters before, so forgive me if this is absolute trash (I know Craig is sorta OOC), but at least you can count on my grammar and spelling being okay!
> 
> Enjoy!! (And, ya' know, if you really like it and want to leave some kudos or even a comment I'd be grateful :) )

 

Craig Tucker had always been smart. Maybe not as smart as Kyle or Wendy, but he was solidly above average in their grade and definitely in the top five on South Park’s high school football team where he played on the defensive line. When they were kids no one really paid much attention to how intelligent you were; none of them really had to worry about getting homework done correctly in fourth grade, so it was entirely possible to be friends with geniuses and have no idea. However, their nonchalant attitudes toward mental inclination changed as classes started getting more difficult, and teachers began caring more about accuracy than completion, and suddenly it became vital to know exactly how academically capable your associates were, and Craig, to everyone’s surprise, had been one of the secret brainiacs. He’d never admit it, but being a go-to for help on math problems and science question had actually helped him adjust to high school life much faster than the rest of his peers, and it gave him an excuse to leave the house his constantly-fighting parents inhabited; not only did he have other athletes as friends, he was able to keep in contact with his old group and add to that circle by assisting random classmates with their work. High school treated Craig very, very well, and life was great for the first two years of it.

 

And then halfway through junior year something changed. At school, he was the same old Craig everyone knew and loved, but the public side of Craig wasn’t the problem; anyone could maintain an image. No, the _real_ problem was his private side, the side he showed when he got home from football practice or from tutoring a kid in physics, the side only one person had to deal with: the ever-loyal boyfriend and roommate of the multi-talented defensive lineman, Tweek Tweak.

 

\---

 

At first, Tweek was nervous about graduating junior high; what if he flunked out? What if Craig found a cute senior girl and ditched him forever? What if Tweek accidentally stumbled upon a gang war and was shot right there underneath the C-pod stairs? What if that distinctive sewage smell rumored to cloud the hallways was actually radiation, and they were all turned into horrible mutants before they found a way to safely extract it from the air? What if the underpants gnomes grew more confident and snatched his his undergarments in front of everyone??? Craig had soothed these fears away, promising that high school was a valuable life experience, and it wouldn’t affect their relationship, because Tweek was Craig’s, and Craig was Tweek’s, and nothing could change that, not even the possibility of horrible disfigurement via gamma residue. Like always, Craig had been right; high school was just a more fun version of middle school but with more people and more freedom, and because Craig thrived in it Tweek did too, and he supported his boyfriend every step of the way. He helped him prepare for tryouts, he sat with him in the tiny athletic corridor holding his hand while they waited for the results of who made the team, he provided moral support and encouragement when Craig’s workload was particularly stressful, he cut every cross-country practice short (much to his coach’s chagrin) so he could be home and clean for Craig, he even learned to cook so that when the noirette came home, exhausted, two hours later they could just sit down and eat without him having to do anything but hang up his coat. Tweek was thrilled for his boyfriend when his status began growing, and he had praised him on his success throughout their freshman and sophomore years, because Craig was happy, and that was all Tweek wanted. Junior year was changing a lot of things, like how Craig treated Tweek inside and outside of school and how often Craig was home and where Craig’s priorities lied, but it hadn’t yet changed the fact that Tweek loved Craig and simply wanted his boyfriend to be happy, which was why he had tolerated the noirette’s behavior for so long without much resistance. But Craig didn’t go back to normal like Tweek had hoped he would; he only got worse, and Tweek, acutely aware of his own limits, knew he was nearing a breaking point. That was why he was perched on the edge of the overly-stuffed couch in the living room of their shared condo, watching heavy snowflakes fall from equally thick clouds beyond the window glass as he waited for Craig to come back from wherever the hell he decided to go without informing Tweek. Not that that was an issue; it was just nice to know your boyfriend cared enough about you to alert you he’d be four hours late because of a project or something like that instead of saying nothing and leaving you to wonder whether or not he’d been murdered on his way home.

 

A long exhale left Tweek’s lips, and he raked a hand through his messy locks. He really shouldn’t be so hard on Craig all the time; just because Craig had been a few hours late without giving notice a few times (twelve, actually, but who’s counting? Certainly not Tweek) didn’t mean it was his fault. It was just like he said after he’d gone to Kevin Something-Or-Other’s brother’s frat party instead of their anniversary date: “Sometimes life puts you on the spot and you have to be willing to make those difficult choices and accept the change they bring.” Life was about being spontaneous, apparently, and who was Tweek to keep Craig from living his life? Sure, it hurt to be blown off all the time, and yeah, sitting alone at home all the time did get pretty lonely, and maybe Tweek’s anxiety had been spiking up again because of all the uncertainty, but Craig’s happiness was more important, right?

 

...right….?

 

An icy wave of horror passed over him when he realized he wasn’t sure anymore, and it made him want to curl up in a ball and cry. No, it made him want Craig next to him, comforting him like he used to when everything was still okay; Tweek knew things weren’t “okay” anymore. There was no amount of denial that could change that horrible reality, despite his best efforts, and he bit his bottom lip, shifting from side to side on the plush piece of furniture as he continued waiting.

 

The seconds ticked by steadily, but each one felt more like an hour, and Tweek gritted his teeth, a flurry of thoughts passing through his mind. He considered going out to look for Craig himself but ruling against it; Craig didn’t like cold weather, and so he’d be trying to get home as quickly as possible for the heat if nothing else. Another, less involved one suggested calling or texting him, but he’d tried that one on many occasions with limited success. One dark idea genuinely made the boy choke; he could just leave. No one was stopping him from doing so, because no one was there. He saw himself flitting around their shared bedroom, packing his things like an frightened mosquito, and slipping out into the night for good. Craig wouldn’t need to know where he’d gone unless Tweek _wanted_ him to, and it’d feel so nice to not have to deal with all that heartbreak extra stress… It seemed almost too perfect to pass up, and he was mortified by how simple it would be and more so by his desire to actually _do it_. Would Craig even notice? Would he care if Tweek disappeared?

 

“Of course he would,” the blonde whispered angrily to himself. “Why wouldn’t he? We’ve been dating for seven years; he wouldn’t have stayed with me for that long if he didn’t care,”

 

….right…?

 

Pushing the plan to his subconscious, Tweek went over what he wanted to say to his boyfriend when he did show up, because that was the real reason he was sitting there on that couch; not to think about escaping or worry about what Craig was doing but to have a heart-to-heart with him about what had been happening and how it was affecting them.

 

He cleared his throat, standing up and beginning to pace back and forth. “Craig, we need to talk,” he said in a clear, strong voice, mimicking any and all versions of Superman as best he could (Tweek always thought Superman had a nice voice, regardless of his actor, and Craig thought it was adorable how passionate he was about that opinion). “You’ve been behaving erratically lately, and I think it’s time we address it- no, that’s dumb. I’m not writing an English paper. You’re being an asshole and I want you to spend more time with me- G-God, that’s even worse!! I’m glad you’re happy, but I think you’re hurting our relationship without meaning to. Y-Yeah, that’s good. Let’s use t-that one-”

 

The front door was just slightly beyond his view, but the blonde knew it had opened and jumped, eyes darting to the place where Craig was standing a moment later, his broad shoulders seeming to fill the entryway and his signature hat pushed back a little to reveal part of his dark mop of hair. The words Tweek had rehearsed just a minute before tripped over each other in his mouth, and as his significant other carried a few folders to a small desk further in the room he stood there, staring silently, until he finally came to his senses and scrambled after him.

 

“C-Craig! Hi!” the smaller boy greeted stupidly, his nerves severely impairing his vocabulary.  

 

“Hello, Tweek,”  Craig sighed (Tweek raised an eyebrow. Really? His salutations came in the form of an annoyed breath now?) without turning around, and the recovering caffeine addict tried again as his boyfriend sat down at the study station:

 

“H-How was your day? Do anything-”

 

A low chuckle resonated from the noirette, carrying an undertone that made Tweek feel like he was being passive-aggressively attacked. “My day was fine, and no, I didn’t do anything fun or exciting. Now if you’ll excuse me; I have work to do.”

An uncharacteristic frown settled onto the blonde’s face, and he shook his head. “No.”

 

Craig’s brow furrowed in confusion and irritation, but Tweek stood his ground, refusing to back down. They were going to talk this out, and Tweek’s brain was going to learn that Craig really _did_ love him, and everything was going to work out just fine.

 

“No, I will not excuse you, because we need to talk about something more important than that homework,” His voice remained even and confident the whole way through, much to his surprise, and Craig spun in the office chair to face him, expression blank but attentive.

 

“Are you okay? What’s the matter?” the dark-haired boy asked, a flicker of concern appearing in his gray eyes, and Tweek’s optimistic heart glowed with warmth; he _did_ care!! There was still hope. There was still hope. He wasn’t too late. ‘ _Just don’t fuck this up, Tweek,’_ he thought, nodding in response to his boyfriend’s question.

 

“I’m f-fine; I just…” Tweek’s anxiety jumped back into play, and his breathing sped up for a moment without his permission; Craig’s gaze never left the blonde, and he forced himself to calm down, unable to keep the tremor from his voice. “I think we need to talk. A-About our relationship.”

 

The worried glimmer disappeared from his boyfriend’s silver orbs as quickly as it had bloomed, and Craig snorted in amusement, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back, relaxed; his haphazardness pissed Tweek off. “Of course, Tweek, we can talk about us. What about it?”

 

A sharp edge hardened the blonde’s tone, a hint of the anger he felt creeping into his voice. “This isn’t working anymore, and you know it.”

 

“Again, I ask what about it.”

 

Craig’s inflection darkened as well, but Tweek’s subconscious refused to let him back down. Not this time. He had put up with this shit for months on end without a complaint, and that was ending now.

 

“Y-You need to stop treating me like I’m your unwanted stepchild or s-something like that. You’re always gone, and y-you don’t tell me where you go, and t-that’s okay, b-because I don’t need to know where you go, but I _do_ need to know when the hell you're getting back so I know you haven’t been kidnapped or killed. We never hang out anymore, and you a-always skip our dates, and I’m not sure if it’s because you’re more concerned with everyone else in our grade or because you’re embarrassed of me or… o-or because you don’t c-care about m-m-me anymore..”

 

A storm cloud passed over Craig, and the bravery began withering inside Tweek, his shoulders curling in slightly out of instinct. The football player didn't move, but his posture tensed.

 

“Are you leaving, Tweek?” he asked in a deathly calm voice, and Tweek shrank even further into himself, stammering nervously. Technically speaking, he wasn't in the process of leaving; it was just a possibility in case Craig lost control of his temper and needed some time to cool off. His boyfriend's low growl startled him out of his thoughts: “ANSWER ME.”

 

Tweek shook his head furiously, but his brain was still incapable of formulating a complete sentence. “N-No!!! I… it's not…. I wouldn't-”

 

A squeak left the blonde when Craig stood, his rage and stress (stress?? Since when did Craig get stressed?) tangible in the room; Tweek unconsciously inched backwards to the door, and a dangerous, terrified look sparked on the dark-haired male's face as he stepped forward after him.

 

“You were going to leave, weren't you? Just disappear into the blue like you were never here and leave me all alone wondering if some bastard broke in and took you?” he spat, jaw clenching.

 

“No!!!! Craig, just calm down-”

 

“ ‘Calm down’?!? How the _hell_ am I supposed to calm down, Tweek?!” he shouted, throwing his hands up in the air and drawing a whimper from the blonde, who held out his shaky hands peacefully:

  


“L-Look, honey, this is what I'm g-gonna do now; I'll tell you exactly what’s gonna h-happen so you aren't scared, okay? Y-You need some time to calm down- I get that, I t-totally get it- so I'm gonna go to Token's for the night, and then I’ll come back in the morning a-and hopefully by then you’ll be b-better.”

 

The expression of pure, unadulterated fear that flashed onto his boyfriend’s face threw Tweek off. Something was very wrong here; Craig wasn’t afraid of _anything_ , not even when he was wasted and babbled about stupid shit like how swirly the sky was when you looked at it through a plastic spoon or cried silent, drunk tears in a ball on Tweek’s lap because of his parents’ divorce.

 

Brow furrowing, the smaller boy analyzed his appearance. “C-Craig, are you okay?”

 

“Please don’t leave….” he whispered, silver orbs huge with distress as he stood a few feet from his significant other, motionless and rigid aside from the quickening rising and falling of his chest. The angry tension between them had morphed into something a bit different; the bite of Craig’s wrath had been wiped out completely and replaced with a feeling Tweek was very, very familiar with, a feeling he recognized immediately: anxiety. So, so much anxiety. And while he knew how to deal with the emotion itself he was at a severe disadvantage in that situation because this wasn’t his anxiety; this was _Craig’s_ , and no one, not even Tweek, knew what Craig was like when he was anxious.

 

Cautiously, Tweek took a small step forward. “Seriously, dude, y-you’re starting to s-scare me. I won’t be gone for m-more than a few hours.”

 

“No no no no no no...“ Craig mumbled, retreating back to the living room as his breathing continued to speed up. “It won’t be for a few hours. It won’t. It won’t, because you’ll see how much better you are without me like everyone else did, and then you’ll leave like _everyone else has,_ and so you can’t leave; please, Tweek, _please don’t leave me here alone_.”

 

“Holy s-shit, Craig, you’re gonna have a p-panic attack; are you drunk? Is that where y-you were; at some p-party?” he inquired, following the trembling male. If Craig was intoxicated it would explain why he was acting that way... to some degree. It wasn’t likely, though; what teenager had a party that ended at six?

 

“You don’t believe me.” Craig stated blankly; it wasn’t a question so much as a statement of fact, and it sent a painful twinge through Tweek’s heart. “You don’t trust me anymore, do you.”

 

The blonde reached out to touch his boyfriend’s arm, stomach cramping at how terrible he felt. He loved Craig with every shred of his being, and he desperately wanted to soothe away the doubts his significant other had, but the noirette moved back, his shaking worsening.

 

“N-no; s-stay back there. Stay. Back. Don’t t-t-touch me, Tweek, I-I-I-I-I…” he stuttered, the syllables flopping around in his mouth like a dying fish, making Tweek cringe. It sounded so unnatural coming from Craig, and he hated it.

 

“Craig, p-please just let me help y-you,” the green-eyed male pleaded, cornering him and once again trying to pull him forward to no avail. He could hear Craig’s erratic breathes turning into near-gasps, and his own anxiety took off like a shot. What if Craig didn’t calm down? What if he had a panic attack right there on their living room floor? What if he had a _heart attack_ right there on their living room floor?! What if Tweek had to call the police and the ambulance didn’t arrive fast enough? He couldn’t live without Craig, even when he was being an asshole, and the mere thought of having to do so was enough to propel Tweek forward one last time. Charcoal orbs widened in mindless alarm and before either of them knew what was happening the back of the defensive lineman’s hand struck the smaller boy squarely across the face, knocking him back into the coffee table like a thrown rag doll. Tweek’s slim hand instantly flew up to his stinging cheek, and understanding invaded the wild glaze in Craig’s eyes, cracking through the frenzy. Neither of them spoke, and Tweek wasn’t exactly sure what to do as he quivered on the carpeted ground, clutching his face and staring up at the horrified Craig with tears blurring his vision. They hadn’t ever talked about a situation like this; it hadn’t even seemed possible that something so terrible could happen between them, and now that it had they were both shell-shocked.

 

Bottom lip wobbling, Tweek slowly stood, pausing for a moment before a small cry escaped him and he slapped a palm over his mouth as he ran out the front door, grabbing a random coat on the way out.

 

\---

 

Craig was stunned; he couldn’t tear his eyes from Tweek’s slumped body propped against the light wood of the short table, his wide olive eyes bright with a thick sheen of water and full of fear because of _him_ . _He_ had made Tweek fall. _He_ was the cause behind the fright radiating from his crumpled form. It was like a nightmare, and his hand almost came up to pinch his arm as he stared. A hysterical little laugh bubbled in his throat at how awful of a human being he was to do something like that to the person he loved more than anything else in the world, but it fizzled as quickly as it had come, leaving a nasty taste of bile in its wake. The dark-haired male felt frozen, completely immobilized at the horrendous actuality that sat on display before him even when Tweek got up and bolted; the tiny noise he released was what knocked Craig out of his existential moment in time to see a glimpse of the jade shirt darting around the corner to the door, and he shot into action, a rush of pure adrenaline flooding his system as he sprinted after him.

 

“Wait- Tweek!!! _God dammit_ ,” he cursed, pulling on his blue jacket at the speed of sound and chasing after him, slamming the locked door behind him. Never had the noirette been so unbelievably _aware_ ; everything around him seemed enhanced as he ran after his boyfriend. The fat snowflakes that drifted around them were sharper, the frigid temperature more piercing, the crunch of the wintry mixture coating the pavement and asphalt more pronounced, and the out-of-place green of Tweek’s shirt even more noticable, but Craig didn’t care about the rest of the scenery; all he was focused on was Tweek, and in another blast of clarity he realized he should’ve been focused on Tweek the whole time.

 

They approached the park, and the running talent the school track coach had seen in Tweek was becoming more and more apparent; he was outrunning Craig easily, even with his shortened time at practice, and the blonde didn’t so much as falter as he ran into the woods. Craig, on the other hand, slowed down, walking through the trees and looking around, hand cupped like a megaphone around his mouth.

 

“TWEEK? TWEEK, WHERE ARE YOU?” he called, listening for any indications that might help him locate his boyfriend as he wove through the pines and leafless cottonwoods aimlessly. A sick feeling of dread settled in the pit of his stomach; Craig wasn’t an idiot, after all. He was well aware of how cold it was outside, and if he didn’t find Tweek they both might be at risk.

 

A snap of a cracking twig sounded above his head, and he looked up at a bare oak tree to see the blonde sitting precariously at the top on a small bough. Relief and worry clashed inside him, but he shoved it down and approached the tall plant.

 

“Tweek, what are you doing up there?? Come back down,” Craig said, gesturing to the ground. “It’s not safe.”

 

“N-No!!! I’m staying here!!” Tweek replied, shaking his head rapidly and stubbornly grasping the thin branch tighter. The wind started to pick up, and Craig warily assessed the state of the dead tree.

 

“You have to come down, honey. There’s another storm front coming, and I don’t want you to be up there when it arrives. You could fall.”

 

“Maybe I _should_ fall…”

 

Craig did a double-take, eyes widening. Maybe he didn’t hear it correctly; why would Tweek say that?? The gray-eyed boy was well-aware of his behavior and ineptitude over the past few months, but had it been bad enough to push poor Tweek to such drastic measures?!? He sincerely hoped not, and he was more than willing to own up for his mistakes, but if Tweek died he was following him no matter what. “You.. You don’t mean that.”

 

“I mean every w-word of it. It w-would be so much easier for everyone i-if I just fell off this stick and broke my n-neck. Besides, why d-do you suddenly care again?” The smaller male’s face scrunched up angrily as tears rolled down his pale cheeks and plummeted to the leafy earth like salty raindrops. “Y-You don’t _get_ to just do s-something like this, Craig. You can’t d-disappear on me for _t-that_ long and then w-waltz right b-back in when it’s convenient for you.”

 

“I know, Tweekers, I know,” he croaked in a hoarse voice around the lump in his throat, the strong breeze blowing his hat’s tassels around crazily. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. It just… it all happened so fast, and I-”

 

“ _What_ , Craig? What the hell happened to cause this?! I am _literally_ about to jump from a sixty-foot-tall tree; _please explain to me what happened._ ” the blonde yelled, against the gusts, knuckles white and cheeks red.

 

The stream of words that came pouring from Craig’s mouth had been contained in the depths of his soul for weeks upon weeks, and it flowed from his mouth uncontrollably in a long-winded ramble once the floodgates had been opened: “So remember when we took that stupid PSAT test at the beginning of the year? A few months ago we got the results back, and I looked at mine _and_ yours, and I know I shouldn’t have, but I did, and you’re _so_ much smarter than me, and I had _no idea_ , and I was going to tell you about how I read your statistics from that report they sent back to us when I started getting letters and emails and pamphlets from different colleges for us, and by us I mean mainly you, and the ones for you and the ones for me were so far apart I thought it would just be easier if I…. if I made a clean break between us. T-That way you could go to any school you wanted to and you wouldn’t have to worry about me slowing you down, but it didn’t work, and it really just made me _so goddamn anxious_ , and I couldn’t take being away from you all the time anymore, but by then the damage was done, and now we’re here and I’m _so sorry_ , Tweek; I’m so, so, so sorry for everything I did to you, and I understand if you never want to see me again, but whatever you do **_don’t jump_ ** . _Please_.” he finished in a sob, visibly shaking with emotion.

 

Tweek’s gaze never left Craig throughout his explanation, and he bit his fist to stifle a wail of his own before starting to climb down, steady until a forceful gale loosened his grip and sent him catapulting to the ground with a shriek. With his last bit of hormone-fueled power, Craig launched himself forward and caught the boy, wrapping him up in his arms under his coat as he knelt on the forest floor. Tweek straddled the noirette’s waist, face nuzzled into his neck and body pressed up against his as his body racked with silent cries. Burrowing his nose gently into his lover’s messy blonde hair, Craig stroked his back and murmured sweet nothings to him sprinkling light kisses anywhere and everywhere on his head and face, holding him close in his oversized coat and breathing calmly for the first time in a long time.

  
He had been right with that quote he’d come up with after three hours of thought at Kevin’s brother’s party: sometimes life _does_ put you on the spot, and you _do_ have to be willing to make those difficult choices and accept the change they bring. But sometimes it was better to not think at all, and as they held each other on the snowy top-layer Craig decided he liked that second line much better.


End file.
